When I found out I was pregnant with my first child, my husband, Erik, and I talked a lot about what values we wanted to raise our children with. To me, one of the most beautiful things about children is how open their minds are when they are young. I wanted to take that opportunity to teach them some foundational values that I want them to carry throughout their lives. After millions of discussions, Erik and I decided on three key values that we want our children to hold true. Now, these are not the only values we want our children to learn, but they are ones we think are indispensable.
Charity During my pregnancy, I was reading all sorts of books and blogs that covered which lessons are important to teach children. That’s when I stumbled across this phrase by Mary Gordon, the founder of Roots of Empathy, a program that promotes empathy in children. She says, “empathy is caught, not taught”. Now, this may seem counterintuitive as I am writing about teaching your children, but what she means is you can’t sit your child down and literally try to teach them about empathy, but rather you need to show them by example what it means so that they can catch on. Empathy is the root of so many skills your child will develop in life. Without empathy, they can’t really understand collaboration, civility, or marginalization. Erik and I wanted to instill this ability to feel for others in hopes that our kids will understand the importance of caring for other people. This is where we get to charity. One of the biggest ways we felt we could show our children empathy in action was by charitable acts. The ability to understand and feel for those who have less is the foundation of integrating charity into our lives. We have loved creating traditions in our family that are centered around giving back to the community. One of my favorites is that every Christmas we participate in the “Adopt a child” program at our local community center. We ask our boys to pick a child from a family in need to donate one of their Christmas gifts to. Then, based on what the child needs/wants, we go shopping and pick out their gift! I love to see how excited my boys are to give back. Diversity In my opinion, diversity is probably one of the most crucial things you can teach your children. I think it is important to address not just what diversity is or that it exists, but also how we can value, appreciate, and celebrate the differences that exist. The first thing we wanted to focus on was the idea of unity. We wanted to show our children that regardless of age, gender, ability, sexual orientation, or race, we are all one community. What has been incredible about teaching my boys this is realizing how open children are to acceptance. It has never been more clear to me that hate is taught. In terms of actionable things we do with our children, we try to integrate multicultural experiences in our lives. I usually go online and look at the different cultural and religious events that are going on within our community. One of my favorites that we attend nearly every year is the Greek Festival. The Greek community where I live throws this elaborate event every year with Greek food, art, and dancing. It is such a blast to go and see the boys get exposed to an entirely different culture. We also try to choose different cultural foods when we get take-out. Erik and I think it is important that they are exposed to the different cuisines that exist. We think that food is such a foundational part of many different cultures, and we want our children to understand that not everyone eats how we do. We also want them to understand that just because food looks, smells, or tastes different doesn’t mean it is bad. In fact, the boys admit all too often that these other cultures’ foods are better than my cooking! Sustainability The last of the three key values is sustainability. We think that especially now this is an incredibly important value to instill in the younger generations, as they will face the brunt of environmental damage in their lifetime. We want them to value the earth not only for their benefit but also for the benefit of their children and grandchildren. Sustainability is a bit more complicated to explain as our boys are not old enough to really understand the science behind the warming climate and the changing environment, but that doesn’t mean we haven’t found a way to integrate it into our lives. Thanks to a lot of really awesome other mom blogs, we have picked some of our favorite sustainability activities to do as a family. In our home, we have three big bins labeled: paper/plastic, glass, and aluminum. The boys love figuring out what trash goes in each bin and I love seeing how good they are at picking the right one! Erik has also gotten them really involved with our garden in the backyard. The boys love going out there with their dad and looking at all the veggies they’ve grown together. In The End These three values are very important to Erik and me. This being said, you should teach your children what you believe is important, and we don’t want to make it seem like there is only one right way to parent. This is just what works for us! I’d love to hear what values you all want to instill in your children.
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Last week, my oldest son was having a particularly challenging day. Sure, when you’re raising two boys like I am, you’re bound to have some anger outbursts and overly dramatic yelling matches. But he was angry for seemingly no reason. The actual reason for the angry behavior was something small, but it wasn’t until almost a day later that he would explain why he was mad.
Whether you’re a first-time parent or a seasoned professional, there will always be times when your child has a volatile, anger outburst. It can be hard to figure out why they’re acting this way, especially if they’re too young to properly understand or explain their emotions. When your child is having a meltdown, it’s hard to know what to do in the moment. What’s the root of their anger? The first thing you need to figure out is the reason for their anger. Adults are able to understand their emotions and the reasons behind why they’re feeling a certain way—children can’t. Young children lash out
How to calm your child
If your child is repeatedly lashing out, and causing other children to be frightened or hurt, don’t be afraid to seek out professional help. There are a lot of pediatric behavioral therapy options out there that can help you and your child with proper anger management. These professionals will also be able to discover an underlying reason that’s causing your child’s aggressive behavior. ADHD, anxiety, learning disabilities, sensory processing issues, and autism can often manifest themselves as anger issues before being properly diagnosed. And remember, just because your child is having anger issues, that does not mean you’re a bad parent. Everyone has their bad days, and meltdowns are a part of being a child. As long as you are calm, confident, and consistent, you can help your child work through a meltdown and help them develop the skills to become more in tune with their emotions. This requires a lot of patience, but it will result in a happier child and healthier home in the long run. Not all parenting advice is actually helpful. When you’re a new parent, it seems like everyone—your own parents, your in-laws, your neighbors, and even the random person at the grocery store—is lining up to give you advice on how to best raise your newborn.
Sure, it takes a village to raise a child, but not everyone’s advice is actually worth heeding. Let’s talk about three common parenting “tips” that you don’t actually have to follow to raise a healthy child. You have to breastfeed your baby There are countless studies out there that talk about how breastfeeding is the best option for newborns. Not only can breastfeeding help defend against infections, prevent allergies, and protect the child against chronic illnesses since a number of antibodies and other germ-fighting factors pass from the mother to child, it’s also a free food source and can help new mothers bond with their newborn. But while there are a lot of reasons to choose breastfeeding, there are just as many valid reasons to choose using formula. For some mothers, breastfeeding can be extremely uncomfortable, they can have problems getting their child to latch on, or they’re unable to produce enough milk for the child. Even the mother’s daily schedule can make it hard to find time to sit down for frequent breastfeeding. Using formula is much more convenient, it’s easier, and it's something your spouse can also help with during those dreaded 4am feedings. The decision on how to feed your child is extremely personal, but that doesn’t stop others from judging your choice nevertheless. You shouldn’t feel bad about choosing to use formula instead of breastfeeding. It’s an extremely personal choice that is yours alone to make. Your child will be healthy and get the proper nutrients whether you breastfeed or use formula. You shouldn’t vaccinate your children There are a lot of dangerous myths about vaccines circulating on the internet and within parenting circles. The idea that vaccines aren’t safe for your child isn’t just untrue—it’s dangerous and puts their life at risk. Some parents are worried that their child could get the disease from the shot itself. That’s a valid concern, since technically a vaccine does hold the actual virus. But vaccines are made from bacteria or viruses that have either been killed or weakened, making the danger to your child miniscule. There’s an extremely small chance your child may have a negative reaction to the shot, but the reaction will be less severe than if they actually got the disease. As a parent, you’re responsible for your child’s health. While anti-vax parents are just as concerned for their child’s health as you are for your child, this is one parenting tip that you should simply ignore should they suggest skipping out on the flu shot or other vaccines. Following the recommendations of doctors everywhere to vaccinate your child will keep both them (and children around them) safe from life-threatening diseases. Just like everything in life, getting a vaccine isn’t 100 percent risk free. But the small risk of your child having a serious reaction or complication from the vaccine is outweighed by the massive health benefits. Everything should be sanitized When you have your first child, you tend to take every precaution to keep them germ-free. You wipe down every single surface, spray every toy with disinfectant, and are always stocked with hand sanitizer. But are you really keeping your child healthy by keeping them away from germs? Probably not—in fact, you may be making it easier for them to get sick later in life. There’s an interesting idea called the “hygiene hypothesis”. The hypothesis is centered on the idea that some exposure to germs and microorganisms when someone is a child will help them boost their immune system and limit illnesses as they grow up. So when parents clean every surface and object their kid comes in contact with, their child’s body won’t know how to protect itself from it later on. Exposing your kid to microorganism and a little dirt here and there probably make them sick, and will actually help their body learn how to fight the more harmful germs. Many studies have shown that exposing infants to germs can offer them increased protection from illnesses like allergies, asthma, and autoimmune disease when they’re adults. For example, people who grew up on farms and in rural communities have shown lower rates of allergies since their body has been accustomed to those irritants since they were born. That doesn’t mean you should expose your child to potentially harmful diseases, but a little dirt here and there might actually be good for them in the long run. |
AuthorHi there, I'm Molly! I am a business owner and devoted mother to two boys, Lukas and Henry, and wife to my husband, Erik. ArchivesCategories |